I've just come back from one of the most wonderful vacations a woman could go on with her husband--nearly two weeks in Hawaii (half in Maui, half on Kauai). I've seen more turquoise water than I have a right to have seen, collected beach trinkets of driftwood, shell pieces and pods hoping to make a cool necklace with them. I've shared a quiet underwater world in snorkeling with as many fishes as we saw in the Maui Aquarium and watched through my husband's eyes as he tried this for me and marveled at his own joy in it.
So why, today...the day after two totally free play days having my daughter, her husband and my two grandgirlies here to swim and relax do I feel so lonely and depressingly quiet? Why does saying goodbye to things I've anticipated with SUCH joy leave me with such a hole?
I hate getting older. I stand in between parents (both mine and Ken's) aging very gracefully into their 80s on the one end, and a daughter and son-in-law just beginning it all in wanting a home of their own some day soon but struggling to pay the bills, and budget, and clip coupons, and giggle on the other end. I'm just stuck. Not a senior citizen (despite what the AARP ads might say) but I'm past "those reproductive years." Just stuck. And sad.
I'm also sick today, so my walls are down. Maybe I need some vitamin D. Better go float in the pool for a bit and count my blessings. Remember the turquoise water and choose to focus away from what isn't anymore.
..Just "keep on swimming" as Dorie says.
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